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quick, someone slap me.

December 29, 2009

I thought mayhaps a 2009 photo post was in order. i thought i could pick some cuties from the year, put them in order and share them with you, the fine interwebs. but alas, i have no patience, i am still tired from christmas, and OH YEAH, i tried and failed because i cried going through photos from 2009.

did you know i started the year with a 2 month old? a two month old. like, at this time last year it had only been 8 weeks since i graced the world with Harper’s presence (you’re welcome!). i was still sporting maternity jeans, gratuitously using nipple cream and probably still shaking cans of dermoplast (my bsff – best spray friend forever). looking through the photos made me want to do the unthinkable : immediately get pregnant again. like yesterday. like, i need to cuddle a tiny freshly baked wrinkly-leg-skinned newborn NOW. i give to you the following photographic evidence as the culprits for said fever breaking out:

the 6 hours after birth photo

i mean, look you guys! i did this. i can do it again, right? i made that little human and then pushed her out. nevermind my meatslab arms and 6 chins, they went away eventually and they will again! pay no mind that my lady parts were throbbing, that nursing bra was rubbing uncomfortably against my bleeding nipples and i was only sleeping because of ambien, I SHOULD HAVE ANOTHER BABY because look at her!

the daddy and baby napping photo

ok seriously? come on. if i squeed any louder i might squee right off a bridge. tiny sleeping babeh + handsome man you married + both sleeping peacefully = makes me want to cry. sidenote: these 2 photos might have been the only actual 2 times we slept.

the stripey dipey baby bum/tiny curled toes photo

oh hail no. you can’t expect anyone with ovaries to look at this and not want to immediately get impregnated. what are you doing baby feet? oh, just being tiny and fat and curly? and hey you, baby bum – who do you think you are? oh, just a stripey cushy little tushy? ok, carry on.

stupid idiot not-cute-at-all baby hat photo

warning : do not look directly at this photo. when i did, i got the sudden urge to eat celery, buy a huge bottle of cocoabutter and map out all baskin robins locations within a 10 mile radius in order to be prepared for pregnancy numero dos. the combination of weird monster-animal shirt, sweater hat with ears and braided flaps, and doe-eyed nugget will have you running to rite-aid to pick up some ovulation kits at 1am. danger danger danger.

operation 2009 photo post = fail. NOT going to happen. not only is my blog not big enough for all the adorable photos i’d need to use to celebrate the year that was, i just don’t think it would be appropriate for my husband to wake up to me making a necklace of Harper’s baby booties or poking holes in things i shouldn’t be. just not a good end to the year, you know?


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15 Comments leave one →
  1. December 30, 2009 12:08 am

    OMG ha. I WAS heading to bed but your post popped up and I just had to read it NOW. And then the hubs caught me laughing out loud at the computer, and asked me what was funny, and I tried to explain it but he’s a man. So he looked at me funny and went back to his shooty stabby video game that he keeps swearing at.

    Regardless, thanks for Harper’s cuteness, and your awesome hilarious blogging…as always :D

  2. December 30, 2009 6:37 am

    Mandy, this post totally had me laughing out loud – loved it!

  3. kerri permalink
    December 30, 2009 9:47 am

    ummm…happens to me all the time when i look at wee bitty e photos. would be considered legally insane if i knowingly got knocked up right now…LOVE the end of the year post! hysterical…as usual.

  4. December 30, 2009 12:46 pm

    that is why i got myself (and my husband) an iud for christmas!

    nice to have found your blog this year!

  5. December 30, 2009 12:59 pm

    Just FYI, today I signed my paperwork for getting my tubes tied. JUST SO I WON’T get back into this situation!!! Otherwise, I’d be pregnant AGAIN in like 6 months. Which, we can all agree is a bad idea.

  6. December 30, 2009 2:55 pm

    Oh the Dermoplast! What a flippin LIFESAVER! (That and the inflatable donut ring that my favorite nurse gave me on the downlow.) Although I’ve never needed it before pushing out a small human, I totally still have my hospital-issued can because it was THAT awesome.

    • Mandy permalink*
      December 30, 2009 3:02 pm

      yeah, i blasted through my hospital-issued can. next time i’m buying stock in the stuff. and giving rite-aid a heads up a few weeks before i go into labor. also? i’m fairly certain you are not supposed to use it for more than a week or something. raise your hand if you don’t care! ::handair::

  7. kirstenmcc permalink
    December 30, 2009 4:42 pm

    Now I’m curious. Going to google “dermoplast” and see what all the fuss is!

    • Mandy permalink*
      December 30, 2009 11:35 pm

      is there something that made your c-section incision feel better on contact? (i’m guessing no, but who knows. maybe a shot of rum or something). dermaplast is like a cooling spray anesthetic that you coat your bits in after the 30 minute process of peeing has commenced. but i’m sure google told you that, word for word.

      • kirstenmcc permalink
        December 31, 2009 1:31 pm

        Um, I about fell off my chair at “30 minute process of peeing.” :)

        What made my c-section incision feel better on contact was a nice cocktail of vicodin and percoset!

  8. emily bilbrey permalink
    December 30, 2009 10:55 pm

    ooops! i just lolzed all over my shirt…

    love you!!!!!!!!!!#!@$@#!!!!!!111

  9. Emily permalink
    January 1, 2010 1:12 pm

    Hi! This particular post made me want to come out of lurk-dom. :) I’ve been reading your blog for a few months – you’re hilarious! And Harper is one cute babe. I’m a SAHM to an 18-month-old girl and can relate to many of your posts. Keep up the good work! Happy 2010.

  10. January 1, 2010 8:32 pm

    oh crap. she is quite painfully adorable. that last picture actually makes me want one more. my husband does not thank you. :P

  11. silenceandnoise permalink
    January 10, 2010 6:58 am

    Loved it!! Mandy, I missed reading your blog while I was gone! I vote for baby #2!! Even I want baby #2 after reading this post!

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